For the Groom

In times past, the bride usually made all of the wedding plans. Now the groom takes an active part in decision making. There are many areas of the wedding planning to get involved in: selecting the photographer, invitations, cake decoration and style, catering & menus, DJ's music, transportation, etc. Why not get involved with your wedding, you are probably helping to pay for it.

Keep all receipts and quotes. Check with your fiancée often so as to not duplicate contacts. Keep on budget and deadlines. Personally check out word of mouth recommendations. The opinions of others may not be exactly what you want.

Help with the selections of the gift registries. After all, you'll be using these gifts later on.

Draw up a map and directions to the wedding site and reception location (if different from the wedding) for out of town guests.

You and your fiancée together will probably select the honeymoon location, but it is your responsibility to organize and make the arrangements.

Give the best man the monies for the minister, organist and anyone else that needs to be paid immediately after the wedding ceremony.

Help your parents with the rehearsal dinner plans.

Before leaving for your honeymoon, give your boutonniere to your grandmother or favorite aunt.

Help write the thank-you notes.

Help with the decorations for the wedding and reception.

How many ushers. The thought is for one usher for every 50 guests. An equal number of ushers and bridesmaids is not necessary. We have seen several weddings that feature more ushers than bridesmaids. There are differences in all weddings, design yours to your personal taste.

Thank-you gifts for the best man and ushers. These may be identical or different for each person. If different, the cost should be the same for each. The best man's gift is usually different (and a little more in monetary value) from those for the groomsmen.

Some traditional gift items might include money clips, key chains, pocketknives, clocks, card cases, paperweights, coffee mugs or beer steins, address books, pen & pencil sets, sets of wine glasses, etc. These may be monogrammed, engraved, pewter, silverplated, stainless or crystal. Personalized bottles of wine could be a consideration.

The gifts are usually presented to the best man and ushers at the rehearsal dinner. The bride makes her presentation to her attendants also. However you may elect to host a private get together at home or a restaurant for your attendants.

When you cut the cake, you hold the cake knife with your brides hand poised on yours. Your bride stands on your right and closer to the photographer.

After the first toast is given, the groom makes the second toast to his wife. You and your wife can give a joint toast to others.

Choosing Your Groomsmen: No Matter What They Say, Nobody "Must" Be In the Wedding Party
By Jennifer Baumann

Your lovely fiancée has chosen her 'maids, and now you're stuck with the task of finding just the right number of family and friends to pair them with. How do you decide who makes the cut?

The Usual Suspects

Remember: No matter what your family or friends say, there aren't people who "must" be in the wedding party. Select buddies you're close with-not guys you feel obligated to ask. If you're unfamiliar with wedding etiquette, however, here are the "usual" rules for including groomsmen in your wedding party.

Brothers-yours and your bride's-come first. Unless there are strange circumstances (if you don't speak to your brother, for instance), your brothers and her brothers are automatically in the wedding party. Next come your closest friends (some may be relatives) who are responsible-and let's get real here-financially sound. Being in a wedding, especially if travel is involved, is expensive.

The Best Man for the Job

We'd like to advise you to ignore anyone who offers input on choosing your best man, but we know this isn't entirely realistic. We will say, however, that you'll want to choose the male who is closest to you and has been there for you. Whether he's a blood relative or close friend, you'll be glad when your wedding day arrives that you picked your best friend.

Great Expectations

When you begin asking your friends to stand up in your wedding, be sure to explain what's expected. The basics include:

Travel and accommodations
Attend the rehearsal and dinner
Renting tuxedo and shoes
Attend tuxedo fittings
Help plan and attend the bachelor party
Seat guests at the wedding
Walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid (maybe)
Dance with same bridesmaid
Wedding gift (unspoken requirement, of course!)

If this is manageable for your buds, you're in business.

Who Doesn't Make It

Keep in mind that a lot of money (whether it's yours is inconsequential) and effort are being spent on the biggest day of your life. You don't want to start your lifetime commitment with the following burdens (trust me, I'm a wife): friends who get too drunk, who are late for everything, and who have a reputation for not showing up for important events. These guys are not the best choice for groomsmen. If there's any doubt about whether your skiing buddy, "GanjaDaddy," will fulfill his duties, you probably shouldn't ask him. We suggest, based on horror stories we've heard and witnessed, that you choose your most responsible friends for this very special day.

This doesn't mean you load your wedding party with a bunch of stiffs. You know what we're saying. Keep it reasonable.

About the Author

Jennifer Baumann is editor of Wedding Gazette, the resource for real-world wedding planning that's packed with info on how to plan your budget, how to avoid killing certain family members, exhaustive theme ideas, plus tons of resources on finding favors, necessary accessories, gifts for your groomsmen, and much more.
http://www.weddinggazette.com
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